watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
