You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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