is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
