i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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