my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The adults are the big ones right?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
