Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
