maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
