i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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