i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
