she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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