i just made my gag reflex go away.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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