The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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