weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
