I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
