Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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