the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
