I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cut my penus on the lid.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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