I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Randomize