WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He better not be in your backpack
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
