I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
