Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
