dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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