Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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