THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
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I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
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Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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