I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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