so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
