At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
