I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
