he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
