I was born with a shot glass in my hand
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
