His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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