DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
honey bunches of taint.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
