sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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