This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
it's like iHOP with fire
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
