I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My first STD was from a foam party
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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