i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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