we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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