You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
