i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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