so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
