connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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