I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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