I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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