No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
