I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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