My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
