if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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