just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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