did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
