OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
