I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
