I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
