how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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