how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Holy shit dude........stairs
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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