It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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