if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
