Well douche your snatch and let's go!
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
