Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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