I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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