He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
