Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
