I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
