you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
