I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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