I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
