Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
