I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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