i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
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I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
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I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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