Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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