Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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