There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
