I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
