My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
