I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
