Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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