I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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