he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
