shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
