i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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